(An On-Going Collection -- New Material at the Top)

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SPECIAL CARD

A little boy had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for, Sonny? Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to your mom and dad?"

The boy shook his head "no" and answered wistfully, "Got anything in the line of blank report cards?"   ['ScreamOfTheCrop']
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DISH LICKING

Bryant, a youngster about four years old, loved having ice cream after dinner every evening. He would sit on his mother's lap and have a small bowl for dessert. Unfortunately, he developed the habit of licking the bowl afterwards to "make sure he got it all".

This went on for a while, much to his mother's chagrin. Finally, trying to tactfully hint that it was not such a great idea, she said, "You know, when I was your age, my mother said that licking my dish was a VERY impolite thing to do."

Bryant thought a minute, and then responded, "Well you can do it now if you like, because I don't mind at ALL!"   [Aiken Drums]
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TEENAGERS

Why did God have Abraham go to the sacrificial mountain to test him with sacrificing his only son, Isaac, when Isaac was only 12?

"Because had Isaac been 17, Abraham may have actually gone through with it.   [Charolette Rivera, Mom to 3 teen age boys]
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A NAP

Friends took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs.

He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec. When he awoke he saw the French highway signs and said in a worried tone.

"I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep." -- [JokeBank]
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DIRTY

A very dirty little boy came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?"

The mother, going along with the game, said:

"I don't know! Who are you?"

"WOW!" yelled the boy. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!" -- [Joke du Jour]
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BABY AND FATHER

The first-time Father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?"

He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another." -- [GCFL (gcfl-info@gcfl.net)]
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ADAM AND EVE

Two brothers, ages 8 & 4, were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?"

And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit." -- ['Kitty's Daily Mews']
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IN-OUT

It was a muddy day, and little Julius had been playing outside. Around lunchtime he opened the door and came right into the kitchen. His mother said angrily, "Julius, look at all the dirt you've tracked in."

Julius retorted, "Yeah, I suppose so, Mom, but I notice you never mention the dirt I track out." -- [Becky Shiles]
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MISSING BEARD

My husband has always had a beard. One day, he decided to shave it off.

He came into the room where my 5-year-old daughter Samantha was and asked her, "Notice anything different?"

To which she replied, "No" with a puzzled look on her face. My husband then said to her, "My beard's gone."

Now the puzzled look disappeared and the innocent eyes appeared when she said "I didn't take it!" -- [Karen and Rich S., N.J. (via Keith Todd)]
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GROW OUR OWN

My 3-year-old was sitting in the middle seat of our van as we ran errands one morning.

"Mom, can we plant this when we get home, and grow some hamburgers?"

I turned to see what had prompted such an unusual question, and saw in his tiny little outstretched hand, one single sesame seed! -- [Rebecca Cleary, Kingsland, GA (via Keith Todd)]
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LONG WAY OFF

When Sara was 6, her new puppy became seriously ill, and the vet didn't know if he could save it.

I felt very bad for Sara, because this was her first pet and it had been a Christmas gift, so I said to her, "Don't worry, precious; just remember, if Fluffy dies, we'll see her in heaven."

Sara looked at me as if I were simple-minded and said, "Well, yes, Daddy, but heaven's a long way off for me -- I'm only six!" -- [Michael Huggins (via Keith Todd)]
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LAST ONE

A New Mom took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her.

At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, she thought.

Then she heard his mother's reply.

"No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!" -- [Pastor Tim]
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CEO

Our dinner-table discussion one evening focused on homework assignments, specifically our ten-year-old's lesson on acronyms. I asked him if he knew what "CEO" stood for. He didn't, so I explained that it meant "chief executive officer."

"That definitely must be what Dad is," our son commented. My husband was beaming with pride but felt the need to be truthful.

"No," he said, "I'm not chief executive officer."

Our son replied, "Oh! I thought Mom said "cheap executive officer." -- [Reader's Digest]
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A VISIT FROM GRANDMA

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."

The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear," she asked.

The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."
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PLAY HOUSE

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, want to play house?"

He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings."

"Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
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ACCENT

My sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up.

"They think we have an accent," she replied.

"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?"

"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out."

His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
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THE STETHOSCOPE

A nurse on the pediatric ward before listening to the little ones' chests would plug the stethoscope into the children's ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Four year old David gently put the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk over his heart.

"Listen," she said, "What do you suppose that is?" He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzle line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest.

Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin. "Is that Jesus knocking?" he asked.
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FAMILY VACATION

Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, "Are we there yet?"

After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter asked, "Is it dark yet?"
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COVERED WAGON

My children were pretending to be preparing for a long trip in a covered wagon. They loaded in bags of salt, beans, seeds, nails, and other necessities for survival. After the last blanket and tool were in place they settled into their seats on the front of the wagon and said their good-byes.

As they pretended to get the horses moving, my 8 year-old daughter called back over her shoulder, "We'll send an e-mail when we get there!"
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JEWISH-CHINESE

"The Jewish people have observed their 5758th year as a people," the Hebrew teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?"

After a reflective pause, one student said, "Well for one thing, it means the Jewish people had to do without Chinese food for 1063 years."
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Psalms 8:2 (NKJ)   "Out of the mouth of babes . . ."

[ Material from many different sources -- Thank You! ]





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