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(An On-Going Collection -- New Material at the Top)


Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note: "Take only one, God is watching."

Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

One of the youngsters had taped up a carefully written note: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

[Sermon Fodder]

Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado, flying to Denver and renting a car. We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River.

Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swayed in the wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said.

"What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental car."

[2 Crazy Guy's Daily Clean Jokes]

Every night before he went to bed little David was told Bible stories.

One night while he was in the bathtub he kept putting his hand in the water and then bringing it out and studying it.

Finally, with a puzzled look, he asked, "Mommy, if we are made out of dirt why don't we turn to mud when we get wet?"

[David's mother, Cindy Fishback; Williams, CA]

A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage.

Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.

At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!" Still no sign of the dove.

The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters:

"Sir, a yellow cat just ate the Holy Spirit."

"Shall I throw down the yellow cat?"

[Twisted Straw]

Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words.

From the back seat of the car she'd yell, "Mom, what does fgrpl spell?" "Nothing," Kathryn said.

Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does doeb spell?" "Nothing," Kathryn answered.

This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does lmdz spell?" Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."

The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"

[Kathryn L. (via KidWarmers)]

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night?

Very commendable. What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

[Keith Todd]

In church this past Sunday, we celebrated Communion. During the "children's sermon", the minister was talking about Communion and what it is all about.

"The Bible talks of Holy Communion being a 'joyful feast'. What does that mean? Well, 'joyful' means happy, right? And a feast is a meal. So a 'joyful feast' is a happy meal. And what are the three things we need for a happy meal?"

My son blurted out, "Hamburger, fries, and a regular soft drink?"


A boy was helping his mother bring the clothes in off the line as a storm threatened.

As they brought in the last armload and closed the door, the boy waved his hand at the heavens and said, "Okay God... let'er go!"


A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night,"Yes sir," the boy replied.

"And do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.

"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."

[Becky Shiles]

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.

"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.

"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."

Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'


When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came from." The purpose was to understand your genealogy.

I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?" I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home, "Well, honey, the stork brought you."

"Where did Mom come from then?" "The stork brought her, too." "OK, then where did you come from?" "The stork brought me too, dear." "Okay, thanks, Grandma."

I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations there have been no natural births in our family."

[Twisted Straw]

My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean "tee shirt" to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.

My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one "tee shirt" that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter.

That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever." And on the other... "Be Smart, Don't Start."

[Keith Todd]

"Here's a king," announced our three-year-old as he unwrapped a figurine from our Nativity scene.

"And here's a donkey," he added as he continued unpacking.

Removing tissue from the statue of the infant molded permanently in his manger, our son exclaimed, "Here's baby Jesus in his car seat!"

[Reader's Digest]

Little Johnny was on his first camping trip with his father and uncle. While the two men set up camp, Johnny went for a hike in the woods.

Not more than fifteen minutes later, he rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled.

"What happened?" asked Johnny's dad.

"I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Johnny.

They two men laughed and his uncle said, "A black snake isn't deadly."

"Listen," groaned Little Johnny, "If he can make you jump off a fifty- foot cliff, he is!"
[Twisted Straw]

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo.

Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.

"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head.

His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"

The boy looked up, "Really?"

"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."

The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."
[Owen Lorion]

A Preacher was doing his "Children's Church" sermon where all the youngsters come down front and hear a story. The pastor was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah 1 and 2.

"And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying 'I called to the Lord our of my distress and He answered me.' ... and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land."   (Jonah 1:17 -- 2:2, 10)

When the Pastor finished the scripture quotation, he started trying to solicit input from the youngsters to help him complete his mini-sermon. He asked thoughtfully, "What does the fish vomiting Jonah out on dry land indicate to us today.

One of the youngsters spoke with great enthusiasm for the entire congregation to hear, "It proves, even a fish can't stomach a bad preacher!"
[Keith Todd]

It was the end of the day when a cop parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy staring in at him.

"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.

"It sure is," he replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
[Aiken Drum]

Having lost weight over the past few years, I was discarding things from my wardrobe that no longer fit.

My seven-year-old niece was watching as I held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," I said. "I must have worn these when I was 163."

My niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"
[Aiken Drum]

Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, "The pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."

"Oh, yeah?" her grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying that rifle?"
[Tim Davis]

Jimmy came home the other day and found his little brother sitting on the steps crying. He asked what was wrong and his little brother replied, "My cat died and I don't know what to do..."

Jimmy thought for a moment and then told him, "When someone dies you have to have funeral and bury him."

His little brother replied, "But I don't know how to have a funeral."

"Well," said Jimmy, "you dig a hole to bury your cat, invite a group of your friends over and say a few holy words over the grave. That's it."

His little brother thought that was a great idea. Later that afternoon, Jimmy came home and there was a group of his brother's friends gathered in the back yard, the dead cat was laying on top of the mound from the grave and his little brother was asking everyone to have a seat.

Jimmy stood back and watched as his little brother lifted the dead cat by the tail and held it over the grave. Then he uttered the only holy words he found fitting:

"In the name of the Father...   the Son...   and 'in the hole he goes'!"
[Jeff G.]

Psalms 8:2 (NKJ)   "Out of the mouth of babes . . ."

[ Material from many different sources -- Thank You! ]

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