A Mother's Brownie Recipe

• Remove teddy bear from oven and tell your child, "No, No." Preheat oven to 375.
  
  
• Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Add margarine to 2 cups of sugar.
  
  
• Take shortening can away from child and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
  
  
• Take shortening can away from child again and bathe cat.
  
  
• Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
  
  
• Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
  
  
• Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and open windows for ventilation.
  
  
• Take telephone away from child and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
  
  
• Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
  
  
• Let cat out of refrigerator.
  
  
• Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes.
  
  
• Rescue cat and take razor away from child. Explain to the kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.
  
  
• Frosting -- Mix the following in saucepan: 1 cup sugar 1 oz unsweetened chocolate 1/4 cup margarine.
  
  
• Take the darn teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away -- far away.
  
  
• Answer the door and meekly explain to the nice policeman that you didn't know your child had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put child in playpen.
  
  
• Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.
  
  
• Answer door and apologize to neighbor for your child having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.
  
  
• Tie child to clothesline.
  
  
• Remove burned brownies from oven!!!
  
  
• The brownie recipe yields a serving for 6 -- whether they like it or not!
  

[ Author Unknown -- from Debi, via Jeff Nickerson ]