Humorous dictionary definition for Mother - One person who does the work of twenty. For Free.

A Mother's Dictionary

  1. ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

  2. BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

  3. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

  4. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.


  6. FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

  7. GUM: Adhesive for the hair.

  8. HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.

  9. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

  10. JUNK: Dad's stuff.

  11. KISS: Mom's medicine.

  12. LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.

  13. MAYBE: No.

  14. NAIL POLISH: part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look "like a tramp."

  15. OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.

  16. PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind-up swing stops.

  17. QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

  18. REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.

  19. SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma.


  21. UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

  22. VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

  23. WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.

  24. XOXOXOXOXO: Mom salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid's lunch box even more mortifying.

  25. "YIPPEE!": What mother's shout the first day of school.

  26. ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.
[ Author Unknown -- from Randy, via 'Buffalos Chips' ( - updated: 2013 ]

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