Actual Instructions

The following are actual instructions found on the named items:

1. ON HAIRDRYER INSTRUCTIONS;
   - Do not use while sleeping.
   
   
2. ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
   - You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
   
   
3. ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP,
   - Directions: Use like regular soap.
   
   
4. ON A FROZEN DINNER:
   - Serving suggestion: Defrost.
   
   
5. ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:
   - Fits one head.
   
   
6. ON TIRIMISU DESERT
   - Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
   
   
7. ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
   - Product will be hot after heating.
   
   
8. ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
   - Do not iron clothes on body.
   
   
9. ON CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE
   - Do not drive car or operate machinery.
   
   
10. ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)
    - Warning: may cause drowsiness.
    
    
11. ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
    - Warning: keep out of children.
    
    
12. ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
    - For indoor or outdoor use only.
    
    
13. ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
    - Not to be used for the other use.
    
    
14. ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS
    - Warning: contains nuts.
    
    
15. ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
    - Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
    
    
16. ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
    - Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

[ Author Unknown -- received from Chris Long (chris@laughandlift.com) ]