Alternative Retirement Home

There will be no nursing home in MY future........

When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Cruise Ship. The average cost for a Nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on cruise ship reservations, and I found I can get a long term senior discount price of $135 per day on many cruise ships. That leaves me $65 a day for:

  1. Gratuities, which are only about $10 per day.

  2. On a cruise ship I will have as many as 10 meals per day, if I can waddle to the  restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

  3. Ships have as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

  4. They also have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

  5. The best part on a cruise ship is: they treat you like a "customer" (a real person) -- not like most nursing home "patients" are treated. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

  6. On top of everything else, I will get to meet new people every 7 to 14 days.

  7. T.V. broken?  Light bulb need changing?  Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! On a ship they will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

  8. You also get clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

  9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip, you will get only the minimum care specified by Medicare or your insurance company. If you fall and break a hip on the cruise ship, they will upgrade you to a fancy suite for the rest of your life and have someone care for your every need.

Now hold on for the best!  Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or many other places? No problem, there are always cruise ships ready and willing to take you where ever you would like to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home. Just plan on calling me on "shore-to-ship" satellite telephone.

P.S.  And when death comes, there are no ridiculously high funeral expenses to be paid -- they give you a sea burial -- no extra charge.

[ Author Unknown -- from Sherry, via 'LABLaughs' ( -- Ed:Anon. ]


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