An Ounce Of Prevention

Eggs'll give you fatty heart.
Beef'll plug your veins.
Booze'll make your liver hard.
'N give you kidney pains.

Pop'll make our teeth rot out.
Same with sweets and gum.
Chocolate'll give you pimples
which makes your love life glum.

Coffee'll make you nervous.
Beans'll give you gas.
Pot'll curdle up your genes
Or cook your pancreas.

Snoose'll rot you lower lip
Or make your teeth fall out.
Drink some beer? Eat rich food?
You're sure to get the gout.

Smokes'll cause lung cancer.
Cheese'll constipate.
But prunes'll make you scour some
And make your tum gyrate.

Saccharin'll give you tumors.
Cyclamates'll too
Red dye'll stain your innards
And give you Green Gomboo.

Salt'll boost blood pressure up.
Pepper makes you sneeze.
Florides freckle up your teeth,
And knobby-up your knees

Pork'll give trichinosis
Which makes your muscles balk.
Rabbit'll "tootleream" you
Or cause your jaws to lock.

So don't partake of nothin'
And you won't die..... I guess.
Everything is dangerous.
Some more and some less.

[ Wallace McRae -- from John Traver ]