Catholic Dictionary

Time to brush up even if you're not Catholic!  You never know when, or by whom, you might be tested!
  • AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

  • BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

  • CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to

  • HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

  • HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

  • INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

  • JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

  • JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

  • JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

  • KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava

  • MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

  • MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

  • PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

  • PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

  • RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

  • RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

  • RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

  • TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

  • USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

[ Author Unknown -- from Lorraine, via 'LAB Laughs' ( ]


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