Catholic Dictionary

Time to brush up even if you're not Catholic!  You never know when, or by whom, you might be tested!

• AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
  
  
• BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
  
  
• CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to
  lip-sync.
  
  
• HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
  
  
• HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
  
  
• INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
  
  
• JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
  
  
• JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
  
  
• JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
  
  
• KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava
  
  
• MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
  
  
• MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
  
  
• PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
  
  
• PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
  
  
• RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
  
  
• RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
  
  
• RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
  
  
• TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
  
  
• USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
  

[ Author Unknown -- from Lorraine, via 'LAB Laughs' (LABLaughsClean@topica.com) ]