Christmas Humor

  1. What do they call Santa's helpers?
    Subordinate Clauses

  2. What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
    Krisp Kringle

  3. Who sings "Love Me Tender" and makes Christmas toys?
    Santa's little Elvis

  4. Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?

  5. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
    A cookie sheet

  6. What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?

  7. What is the cow's holiday greeting?
    Mooooory Christmas

  8. What does Santa like to eat?
    A jolly roll

  9. Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
    Deery Queen

  10. What does Santa say when he is sick?
    OH OH NO!

  11. If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
    Missile toe

  12. How does Santa Claus take pictures?
    With his North Pole-aroid

  13. What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?
    Santa Claus-trophbia

  14. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
    Sandy Claws

  15. The 3 stages of man:
    He believes in Santa Claus
    He doesn't believe in Santa Claus
    He is Santa Claus

  16. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
    Because it soots him

  17. What can Santa give away and still keep?
    A cold

  18. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
    He wanted to sleep like a log

  19. What do elves learn in school?
    The Elf-abet!

  20. What nationality is Santa Claus?
    North Polish

  21. Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
    Because every buck is dear to him

  22. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
    Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

  23. How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
    Fleece Navidad!

  24. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

  25. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
    Ribbon hood

  26. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

  27. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
    It's Christmas, Eve

  28. What did Tarzan sing at Christmas time?
    Jungle Bells

  29. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
    Because he had low elf esteem.

  30. What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
    The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

  31. Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
    You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' ( ]

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