Employer's Lingo Interpreted

1. COMPETITIVE SALARY
   We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
   
   
2. JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM
   We have no time to train you.
   
   
3. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
   We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
   
   
4. MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED
   You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
   
   
5. SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
   Some time each night and some time each weekend.
   
   
6. DUTIES WILL VARY
   Anyone in the office can boss you around.
   
   
7. MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
   We have no quality control.
   
   
8. CAREER-MINDED
   Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
   
   
9. APPLY IN PERSON
   If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
   
   
10. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
    We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
    
    
11. SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE
    You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
    
    
12. PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
    You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
    
    
13. REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
    You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
    
    
14. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
    Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
    

[ Author Unknown -- from 'andychaps_the-funnies' (Andychap@aol.com) ]