Excuses for Not Going to Work
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false
If it's all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices
told me to clean all the guns today.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half
back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
continuum loop, re-living Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power
source exactly, resetting the clocks in the house, while
simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times.
Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
that deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the supermarket.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, can I
help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with MCI, but thank you for
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
The psychiatrist said we had an excellent session. He even gave me
this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
Prozac. Now I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
The dog ate my car keys. Now we're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I'd prefer to remain an enigma.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
I can't come in because I am converting my calendar from Julian to
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
I refuse to travel to my job in the district until there is a
commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
I'm just checking to make sure everything is okay with my not coming
in today. I hope you haven't forgotten about our little agreement at
last year's Christmas party.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
All Rights Reserved.