For Lexophiles (lovers of words)

  1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

  2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

  3. Time flies like an arrow -- Fruit flies like a banana.

  4. A backward poet writes inverse.

  5. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

  6. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

  7. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

  8. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

  9. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

  10. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

  11. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

  12. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

  13. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

  14. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

  15. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

  16. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

  17. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  18. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

  19. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

  20. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

  21. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

  22. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

  23. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

  24. An optometrist fell into a lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

[ Author Unknown -- forwarded by JR, via 'Mike's Funnies' ( ]


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