Fractured Dictionary

1. Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
   
   
2. Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.
   
   
3. Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.
   
   
4. Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.
   
   
5. Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.
   
   
6. Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate.
   
   
7. Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
   
   
8. Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a living.
   
   
9. Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist.
   
   
10. Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does.
    
    
11. Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
    
    
12. Misty \mis'-tee\: How some golfers create divots.
    
    
13. Paradox \par'-uh-doks\: two physicians.
    
    
14. Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
    
    
15. Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm.
    
    
16. Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with.
    
    
17. Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
    
    
18. Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring.
    
    
19. Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife.
    
    
20. Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six.
    
    
21. Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does.
    
    
22. Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
    
    
23. Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government.
    

[ Author Unknown -- from Jan Hughey, via 'Good Clean Funnies List' (gcfl-info@gcfl.net) ]