Fractured Dictionary

  1. Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

  2. Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

  3. Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.

  4. Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.

  5. Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.

  6. Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate.

  7. Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

  8. Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a living.

  9. Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

  10. Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does.

  11. Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

  12. Misty \mis'-tee\: How some golfers create divots.

  13. Paradox \par'-uh-doks\: two physicians.

  14. Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

  15. Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm.

  16. Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with.

  17. Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

  18. Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring.

  19. Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife.

  20. Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six.

  21. Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does.

  22. Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.

  23. Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government.

[ Author Unknown -- from Jan Hughey, via 'Good Clean Funnies List' ( ]


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