Golf Quotes

The Gospel according to St. Titleist . . .

1. May thy ball lie in green pastures ~ and not in still waters. ~ Author Unknown
   
   
2. The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~ Billy Graham
   
   
3. Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~John Updike
   
   
4. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. ~ Robert Lynd
   
   
5. If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~ Horace G. Hutchinson
   
   
6. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~ Gardner Dickinson
   
   
7. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. ~ Sam Snead
   
   
8. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~ William Wordsworth
   
   
9. If you drink, don't drive ~ Don't even putt. ~ Dean Martin
   
   
10. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. ~ Tommy Bolt
    
    
11. Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one. ~ Author Unknown
    
    
12. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. ~ Bob Hope
    
    
13. My handicap? Woods and irons. ~ Chris Codiroli
    
    
14. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. ~ Pete Dye
    
    
15. I'm hitting the woods just great ~ but having a terrible time getting out of them! ~ Author Unknown
    
    
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon
    
    
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~ Mark Twain
    
    
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~ Harry Vardon
    
    
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~ Jimmy DeMaret
    
    
20. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~ George Deukmejian
    
    
21. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~ Author Unknown
    
    
22. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook! If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. ~ Author Unknown

AMEN

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]