1. If you really want to get better at golf,
        Go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

      2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

      3. Since bad shots come in groups of three,
        A fourth bad shot is actually the
        Beginning of the next group of three.

      4. When you look up, causing an awful shot,
        You will always look down again at
        Exactly the moment when you ought
        To start watching the ball if you ever
        Want to see it again.

      5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes . . .
        Or at a minimum of not at all.

      6. No matter how bad you are playing,
        It is always possible to play worse.

      7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts
        In your mind during your swing.

      8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard,
        You can either hit one more club or two more balls.

      9. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green
        While the foursome ahead of you is still putting out,
        You have two options: you can immediately shank
        A lay-up or you can wait until the
        Green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

      10. The less skilled the player,
        The more likely he is to share his ideas about
        The golf swing.

      11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson
        Is the instant elimination of the
        One critical unconscious motion
        That allowed you to compensate for all of
        Your many other errors.

      12. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

      13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie.

      14. Everyone replaces his divot
        After a perfect approach shot.

      15. A golf match is a test of your skill
        Against your opponents luck.

      16. It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt.... for an 8.

      17. Counting on your opponent to inform you
        When he breaks a rule is like
        Expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

      18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
        It's not a gimme if your still away.

      19. The shortest distance between any two points
        On a golf course is a straight
        Line that passes directly through the center
        Of a very large tree.

      20. There are two kinds of bounces;
        Unfair bounces and bounces just the way you
        Meant to play it.

      21. You can hit a two acre fairway
        10% of the time and a two-inch branch
        90% of the time.

      22. Every time a golfer makes a birdie,
        He must subsequently make two triple
        Bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

      23. If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does,
        Simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

      24. To calculate the speed of a players downswing,
        Multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap;
        I.e. Backswing 20mph, handicap 15,
        Downswing = 600mph.

      25. There are two things you can learn
        By stopping your backswing at the top and
        Checking the position of your hands:
        How many hands you have, and which one
        Is wearing the glove.

      26. Hazards attract, fairways repel.
        You can put "draw" on the ball,
        You can put "fade" on the ball, but no
        Golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

      27. A ball you can see in the rough
        From 50 yards away is not yours.

      28. If there is a ball in the fringe
        And a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.
        If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

      29. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]

Email Friend     Back     Print Page

Inspirational Humor     SkyWriting.Net     All Rights Reserved.