In honor of our many hard working teachers.
In the beginning my English teacher created
nouns and verbs.
And the verbs were without form and voice;
and darkness was upon the face of the deep -- my
And she said, "Let there be grammar;" and
there was grammar.
And Teacher saw the verbs and laughed and
said that it was good; and she divided the bright
students from those who remained in darkness.
And Teacher gave the bright students A's
and kept the others after school. And the
homework and the bell were the first day.
And Teacher said, "Let there be a sentence
in the midst of the words, and let it divide the
nouns from the verbs.
And Teacher made the sentence, and
diagrammed it on the board; I looked and saw that
it was so.
And the Teacher called the sentence
declarative. And the capital and the period were
the second day.
And Teacher said, "Let the noun words in
the sentence be gathered together unto one place,
and let the verb words appear; and it was so.
And Teacher called the verb words
predicate; and the gathering together of noun
words called she the subject; and Teacher saw
that it was good.
And Teacher said, "Let the predicate bring
forth modifiers, the transitive verbs yielding
objects, and the intransitive verbs yielding
complements after their own kind, whose place is
in itself, within the predicate;" and it was so.
And the predicate brought forth modifiers,
and transitive verbs yielding objects after their
own kind, and intransitive verbs yielding a
complement whose place was in itself, after their
own kind: The Teacher saw that it was good and
And the active and the passive were the
And Teacher said, "Let there be modifiers
in the firmament of the subject to further
confuse and divide the students in the classroom;
and let them be for proper nouns, concrete nouns,
mass nouns, collective nouns, pronouns, and
"And let them be for to give meaning in the
subject and to enhance the predicate;" and it was
so -- confusing.
And Teacher made two great words: the
greater word -adjective- to rule the noun, and
the lesser word -adverb- to rule the verb;
she made the conjunction also.
And Teacher set them in the sentence in
order to make it difficult to diagram.
And to make it easier for her to divide the
bright students from those who remained in
darkness; and Teacher saw that her system was
And the phrase and the clause were the
And Teacher said, "Let the verbs bring
forth abundantly the many verb forms, the
gerunds, infinitives, and participles; the
subjunctives; the auxiliary verbs, the linking
verbs; and the phrasal verbs."
And Teacher created mood for every living
creature that moveth, and tense for all time, and
voice after their kind: and Teacher saw that it
was indeed good.
And Teacher blessed them saying, "Be
fruitful and multiply in complexity, and fill
young minds with bewilderment, and let the
bewilderment multiply into chaos in their minds."
And the lecture and the English test were
the fifth day.
And Teacher said, "Let the nouns and verbs
bring forth living sentences after their own
kind, book reports, essay questions, and English
themes for the students to write;" and it was
And Teacher made all these things for the
freshman English student to do, and everything
that creepeth into her mind she gave to them to
do; and Teacher saw to it that it was good.
And Teacher said, "Let us make one project
in our image, after our likeness; and let the
product have dominion over the other projects,
and over every subject of the college student."
So Teacher created the research paper in
her own image, in the image of Teacher created
she it; boring and difficult created she it.
And Teacher blessed it, and Teacher said
unto the research paper, "Be fruitful and
multiply, and replenish the supply of dropouts,
and subdue the remainder of the college students;
and have dominion over the other projects, and
over the other subjects, and over every single
grade that the students receive."
"And to every beast of the earth, and to
every fowl of the air, and to every thing that
creepeth into the classroom, wherein there is
life, I have given every rule and principle for
good English;" and it was so.
And Teacher saw everything that he/she had
made, and behold it was very good.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Colorado Comments,' via Keith Todd ]
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