Holiday Tips

• Carrot sticks-avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
  
  
• Drink as much eggnog as you can. Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an egg-nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have two. It's Christmas!
  
  
• If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
  
  
• Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.
  
  
• Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food.
  
  
• If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
  
  
• Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
  
  
• Fruitcake? Avoid it at all cost!
  
  
• If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.
  

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Colorado Comments' ]