How Cold Was It?

IT WAS SO COLD THAT . . . .

1. We had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people got spoons and forks stuck to their tongues!
   
   
2. Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
   
   
3. Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
   
   
4. When I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the Spring!
   
   
5. The optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!
   
   
6. Kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pajamas haven't thawed out yet!"
   
   
7. When kids go outside to play, they can only go as far as the extension cord will allow.
   
   
8. We had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas.
   
   
9. Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans.
   
   
10. Pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers pockets just to keep them warm!
    
    
11. The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence
    
    
12. Grandpa's teeth were chattering - in the glass!
    
    
13. The dogs were wearing cats instead of chasing them!
    
    
14. The rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle!
    
    
15. Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!
    
    
16. The Statue of Liberty was seen sticking that torch under her robe.
    
    
17. You need the wallpaper steamer to get undressed.
    
    
18. Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.
    
    
19. The computer store was selling giant keyboards so people could type with mittens.
    
    
20. "Hot pants" started selling again.... until people figured out they weren't really hot.
    
    
21. Anyone with a body temperature near 104°F was in danger of being hauled out of their sickbed and used as a heater.
    
    
22. Firefighters couldn't convince people to get out of their houses when they caught fire.
    
    
23. We had to chop up the piano for firewood ... but we only got two chords.
    
    
24. We didn't clean the house, we just defrosted it.
    
    
25. The lights would only go on in the house when someone opened the door.
    
    
26. I tried to take the garbage out, but it didn't want to go.
    
    
27. I chipped a tooth on my soup, today!
    
    
28. When the cows were milked, we got ice cream! Milking the brown cows gives us got chocolate ice cream!
    
    
29. We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up.
    
    
30. When I turned on the shower, I got hail.
    
    
31. "Blanket suffocation" is now the number one cause of fatalities.
    
    
32. Kids had to stay in school all week.... parents are now organizing a "teacher appreciation day."

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]