How NOT To Rob Banks
Pick The Right Bank: You don't want to make the same mistake
as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was
no longer in business and had no money.
Study Your History: Don't try to stick up the First National Bank
of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and
the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three
of his gang. Nobody tried it again until 1984, and the customers
chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar in Minnesota.
Speak To The Right Teller: One robber in Upland, CA, presented
his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got
all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground
and sat on him until authorities arrived.
Don't Sign Your Demand Note: Demand notes have been written
on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in
Pittsburgh ... on an envelope bearing the name and address of
another in Detroit. And in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back
of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's name and account number.
Don't Advertise: A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract
attention from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with
no bra while holding up banks.
Go Easy On The Disguise: One robber, dressed up as a woman
with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was
the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print.
Take Right Turns Only: Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida
who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove
up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth,
offered the security men money.
Be Aware Of The Time: Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in
Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried
to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped
in rush hour traffic until police arrived.
Consider Another Line Of Work: Bank robbery is not for everyone.
One nervous Newport, RI robber, trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains
into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.
Be Strong: Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in
Swansea, Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had
no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived.
His getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (AIKENSLongJoke@topica.com) ]
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