How to Lie to the Bathroom Scales
Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...as well as in the morning,
without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight
you've lost overnight.
Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case,
blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at
least a pound.
Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always
five pounds off...to your advantage, of course.
Always go to the bathroom first.
Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter. (Waving
them is optional but occasionally helps!)
Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in,
completely naked, of course.
Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of
Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to
weigh something, right?)
Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel
rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the
rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least
two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'andychaps_the-funnies' (Andychap@aol.com) ]
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