How To Prepare For A New Cat
Okay! Now you are all ready to go get that little
blessing wrapped in fur and bring it home!
Take cold chicken and stars soup straight from
the can and splash it across the carpet and the
foot of the bed and then walk in it in the dark
with your socks on.
Set up a mouse trap at the foot of the bed each
night so that if you move a toe one inch while
you are sleeping, you are sure to get snapped.
Cover all your best suits with cat hair. Dark suits
must use white hair, and light suits must use dark
hair. Also, float some hair in your first cup
of coffee in the morning.
Put everything cat-toy sized into a water bowl
Practice cutting your chicken into teeny tiny
bites so that when they steal, it won't be the
Tip over a basket of clean laundry, and scatter
clothing all over the floor.
Leave your underwear on the living room floor,
because that's where the cat will drag it anyway
(especially when you have company).
Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of
your favorite TV program and run to the TV shouting
"No! No! Don't chew on the electric cord!" Miss the
end of the program.
Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the corner
of the living room in the morning and don't try to
clean it up until you return from work that evening.
Gouge the surface of the dining room table several
times with an exacto knife. It's going to get
Practice searching every closet and open cabinet
door before you shut it.
Knock all small items off your kitchen counter.
Chew the eraser off every pencil in the house.
Take a fork and shred the roll of toilet paper while
it's still hanging up. Pull a few sheets off and
scatter them around the bathroom.
Take a staple remover and punch two holes in every
scrap of paper around the house.
Get a litter tray without a lid and mix in some
tootsie rolls with cat litter and then tip it over
right before the company comes. Make sure your
guests get to find this before you do.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]
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