Humorous Signs

1. At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."   (Have you ever seen "someone in a glass container?")
   
   
2. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, 'Sisters of Mercy'."   NO COMMENT!
   
   
3. On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."   (Gee, by now you'd think they'da gotten that spot off!)
   
   
4. In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."   ???
   
   
5. In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."   ("So, where am I supposed to have a baby delivered?")
   
   
6. In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
   
   
7. In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"   (WHO would want to prevent mental health?)
   
   
8. On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
   
   
9. On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices, and workmanship."
   
   
10. At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel." (The sign should read "Unauthorized Personnel Restricted from access.")
    
    
11. On a display of "I love you only" Valentines -- "Available in multi-packs."
    
    
12. In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
    
    
13. In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
    
    
14. On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"
    
    
15. In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
    
    
16. In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
    
    
17. In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."   NO comment!
    
    
18. In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."   (That sounds fair to me!)
    
    
19. On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."
    
    
20. On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
    
    
21. Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
    
    
22. And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."   (Perhaps the sign prefers empty beer bottles?)

[ Author Unknown -- from Ross via 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]