"Internet Addict When"

You know you're an Internet Addict When ...
  1. ... your connection goes down suddenly and when you try to reconnect, you are unable to get a dial tone. Stumbling out into the front hall, you discover under the pile of unopened mail two bills and three final demands from British Telecom, the earliest dated six weeks ago.

  2. ... you get fired from your job, and all you can think is "At least I'll be able to spend more time on-line now."

  3. ... an attractive single person of your preferred sex and orientation asks you over to their place for supper and you try to persuade them to meet you on IRC instead.

  4. ... they finally manage to convince you to leave the house, and you turn up for the date with a bottle of cheap wine and a laptop with an internal modem.

  5. ... you contemplate doing a bank-job so that you can buy a leased line, but reject the idea on the grounds that if it goes wrong you probably won't be able to get a terminal in your cell in Pentonville.

  6. ... you finally open the curtains and discover that the other side of the street has been bulldozed and turned into a theme park, the local posse have spray-painted a mural on the front of your house, and there's been a rave in progress on your front lawn for the last week: "Now, when did that happen?"

  7. ... the lettering on the keys 'n', 't', 'p', 'k', 'i' and 'c' on your keyboard has been worn away to nothing, but that doesn't matter because you can type 'nntp kick' with your eyes closed anyway.

  8. ... your phone bill is delivered by Parcelforce, and Securicor come round to pick up the payment cheque.

  9. ... you're convinced that nothing ever happens on Saturday and Sunday because they don't update the Electronic Telegraph during the weekends.

  10. ... someone asks you your name, and you have to connect to an X.500 server before you can tell them.

  11. ... you're filling out a warranty registration card and you can't remember where you live, so you write down the URL of your home page instead.

  12. ... you log off for four minutes to make yourself a cup of coffee and British Telecom assume there must have been a fault on the line and send round an engineer to fix it.

  13. ... you install two phone-lines and an extra serial card so that you can 'hot-swap' modems without losing your connection.

  14. ... you spend quarter of an hour thinking up stupid "You know you're addicted when ..." jokes to post to your local newsgroup.
I have, of course, never done any of these things.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]

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