Award-winning writer: Jackie Papandrew

Airing My Dirty Laundry!

Just The Way We Are

Don’t go changing, to try and please me…  Billy Joel in Just The Way You Are

In the great dance that is the American presidential election process, it is almost time to change partners. Well, actually, judging by the mantra that is running amok through each of the candidate’s speeches (and is probably tattooed on their backsides), it’s time to become partners with change.

That’s because everyone is now officially for change. Big, life-altering change. Each campaign is undeniably unchanging in its commitment to change. In fact, each candidate insists that he or she was a fan of change even back when change wasn’t cool, back before the times they were a changing. That’s why I’d like to get rid of the middleman (or woman) and simply elect Mr. (or Ms.) Change as the nation’s chief executive.

Now you might raise the objection that change is, in fact, not actually a person. Not a problem. Using modern technology that I know about from watching Star Trek, I suggest we create a hologram made up of the candidates from the current election cycle. President Change would undoubtedly be the most popular politician of all time. And think about what great theme songs (sung by a wide variety of artists) a Change administration could make use of.

David Bowie could encourage us all to “turn and face the strain” of all the necessary “ch-ch-changes.” Paul McCartney, knowing "we all want to change the world," could urge a change revolution. Tina Turner would make us all feel good by singing the great anthem A Change Is Gonna Come.

Those with a country music bent could be assured by Tim McGraw that “things change, things change, don’t you know they change?” And that consonant-consumed singer L.L Cool J could exhort the younger set to “come on, come on, come on, come on, change your ways.”

We’d all soon be so chock-full of change that we’d sing Hail to the Change whenever we beheld our hologram holder of high office.

Of course, the candidates who embodied our artificial POTUS (President of the United States ) would have their own individualized transformation tunes to croon. Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards, for example, would mourn what might have been with verses from that old Sinatra song Change Partners: “Won’t you change partners and dance with me?”

Hillary Clinton would be groovin’ to Eric Clapton’s Everybody Oughta Make a Change with lyrics like this: “Change in the weather, change in the sea, come back baby, you’ll find a change in me, ” while Mitt Romney would surely be belting out verses from another Clapton change chant: “I can change the world, I would be the sunlight in your universe.”

Barack Obama could sing these famous Sheryl Crow stanzas: “A change would do you good, I think a change would do you good.” And John McCain would certainly serenade us with Tom Petty’s Change of Heart: “Well I fought for you, I fought too hard, to do it all again…”

Being a fickle people, though, after awhile we would probably tire of cherishing our change champion. We would begin to long for the stodgy status quo, realizing to our astonishment that the more things change, the more they stay the same. That’s when we’d likely toss President Change out on his (and her) ear, and as the winds of change blew right by us, we’d adopt a new theme song -- that golden oldie by Billy Joel called Just The Way You Are. Because, alas, that’s just the way we are.

~  © Jackie Papandrew 2008 ~

Jackie Papandrew is an award-winning writer, syndicated humor columnist, coffee addict and mom to a motley crew of children and pets who provide a steady stream of column ideas and dirt. She's also wife to a very patient man who had no idea, years ago when he still had time to escape, what he was getting himself into. Visit her website at:  JackiePapandrew.com

[ by Jackie Papandrew Copyright © 2008, (me@jackiepapandrew.com) -- submitted by: Jackie Papandrew ]


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