Laws of Parenting

Sir Isaac Newton may have discovered the laws of gravity, but here's a parallel set of laws that govern moms and dads.

  • A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance he or she is away from the parent.

  • Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.

  • The choice of a preschooler's best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.

  • A child's enjoyment of a popular entertainment will be inversely proportionate to the parent's enjoyment.

  • The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.

  • A child will always eat exactly what he or she has loved for the past year -- unless it is the only food in the fridge.

  • The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' ( ]


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