Things I Have Learned At The Movies
Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are
well within the price range of most people -- whether
they are employed or not.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry
which wire to cut. You will always choose the right
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to
override the communications system of any invading
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered
in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will
wait patiently to attack you one by one dancing
around in a threatening manner until you have
knocked out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed,
everything in your bedroom will still be clearly
visible, just slightly bluish.
If you are a blonde and pretty, it is possible to
become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age
Honest and hardworking policemen are
traditionally gunned down three days before their
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer
to kill their archenemies using complicated
machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly
gasses, lasers, and man eating sharks, which will
allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that
reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to the
waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one
stick of French bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane, provided
there is someone in the control tower to talk you
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even
while scuba diving
You're very likely to survive any battle in any
war unless you make the mistake of showing someone
a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German
or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to
speak the language. A German or Russian accent will
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in
A man will show no pain while taking the most
ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries
to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone
will be thrown through it before long.
If staying in a haunted house, women should
investigate any strange noise in their most
Word processors never display a cursor on the
screen but will always say: "Enter password now."
Even when driving down a perfectly straight
road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel
vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing
devices with large red readout's so you know exactly
when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has
been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street,
everyone you meet will know all the steps.
Police departments give their officers
personality tests to make sure they are deliberately
assigned a partner who is the total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreign military
officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
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