Living in Houston
Rules for living in the Houston area.... Rules of Houston , H-Town, 3rd Coast, Bayou City , The Dirty
3rd, or whatever you wanna call it:
If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly
insane, but to all of us who call this home... it's
nothing but the truth and you know it!!!
You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun,"
not "Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, the street is pronounced
"San Phil- ee-pay," not" San Phil-eep" (San Felipe). Enunciate, you
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has
its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no
such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston .
We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has
no beginning and no end.
The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through
traffic.... a " Scenic Drive ."
The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The
evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's
rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be
rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the
first one off the starting line, count to five when the
light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any
Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by
a native Houstonian.
Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a
way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases,
"Oh,we must be in Pasadena!" or "Boy, I hate Baytown !" or
"Mmm, smell that Texas City !"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably
a factory defect.
All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total
The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph.
Anything less is considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum
speed on Westheimer is at least 45mph.
The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is
Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper
sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading."
In fact, don't honk at anyone.
If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph
in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.
The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits
lead to Louisiana .
If you live in Katy and I live on the south side of
Houston we'll never hang out.
The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is
Whataburger will serve both breakfast and normal menus.
You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle,
even if you were just given a ticket.
You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway,
just follow the ruts in the grass to the feeder like
everyone else. This is how Houston resident's notify
Texas Department of Transportation where exits
should have been built.
Else-where, they are called frontage roads. Here
in Houston , they are called FEEDER roads, so don't
look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder road and use
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
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