Marriage Definitions

    1)  A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
    2)  A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
    3)  A man who never makes the same mistake once.
    4)  A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
    5)  A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
    6)  The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

  2. BRIDE:  A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

  3. COMPROMISE:  An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

  4. DIPLOMAT:  A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

    1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
    2) A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.

  6. HOUSEWORK:  What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

    1)  A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
    2)  A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife's permission to say so.

  8. JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT:  A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

  9. LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

  10. MISS:  A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

  11. MISTRESS:  Something between a mister and a mattress.

  12. MOTHER-IN-LAW:  A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

  13. MRS.:  A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

  14. SPOUSE:  Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.

  15. WIFE:  A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' ( ]


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