Men Say - Women Hear

  1. "I can't find it"

    MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

  2. "That's women's work"

    MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless.

  3. "Will you marry me?"

    MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer and there's no peanut butter left.

  4. "It's a guy thing."

    MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

  5. "Can I help with dinner?"

    MEANS: why isn't it already on the table?

  6. "It would take too long to explain"

    MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

  7. "I'm getting more exercise lately"

    MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead.

  8. "We're going to be late."

    MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

  9. "Take a break, Doris, you're working too hard."

    MEANS: I can't hear the football over the vacuum cleaner.

  10. "That's interesting dear."

    MEANS: are you still talking?

  11. "Love, we don't need material things to prove our love."

    MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

  12. "You expect too much from me."

    MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

  13. "It's really a good film."

    MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and women.

  14. "You know how bad my memory is."

    MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of Only Fools and Horses, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the plate number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

  15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."

    MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.

  16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."

    MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.

  17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."

    MEANS: what did you catch me at?

  18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."

    MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.

  19. "I heard you."

    MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.

  20. "You know I could never love anyone else."

    MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realise it could be worse.

  21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."

    MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.

  22. "I brought you a present."

    MEANS: It was free ice scraper on the cover of Man and Motors.

  23. "I missed you."

    MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.

  24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."

    MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.

  25. "This relationship is getting too serious."

    MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my car.

  26. "I don't need to read the instructions."

    MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.

[ Author Unknown -- via 'Buffalos Chips' ( ]


Inspirational Humor     SkyWriting.Net     All Rights Reserved.