Midlife

• Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
  
  
• Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!
  
  
• Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
  
  
• Midlife is when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.
  
  
• Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
  
  
• Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
  
  
• Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.
  
  
• The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
  
  
• You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.
  
  
• Midlife is when your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).
  
  
• You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice.
  

[ Thelly (thelly@cox.net) -- (arizona_humor-owner@yahoogroups.com) ]