My son has gone off to college, and since he's never been
away from home before, I sent him this little note to keep
up his spirits, and let him know that he's missed.
Well, it's been a week since you've gone off to school, and
like many conscientious teenagers, I'm sure you're wondering
how we're getting along without you, and how we've had to
handle the division of labor now that you're no longer
available to do your chores. Well, fret no longer;
although the physical strain on me is not insubstantial,
I've found a way to take on all of those household chores
with which you've so graciously been willing to do for us.
Just to give you an example, let me review my week for you.
So, you see, there's nothing to worry about. I plan to
diligently keep up to date on your chores for as long as
necessary. Please, if you see that there is anything that
I may have neglected, be sure to let me know.
Monday - Slept late. Opened a new container of juice, left
the safety seal on the counter. Then turned the TV on and
left for work. Later, opened a new package of Oreo cookies
and took all but 6 to nibble on while I went driving around
aimlessly with some slightly stoned friends.
Tuesday - Slept late. Ate the last of the Oreo cookies, and
carefully put the empty container back in the snack drawer.
Parked my car across the driveway to make it difficult for
anyone else to get into the garage. Washed a load of my own
clothes, and three towels, leaving the rest of the laundry
on the floor.
Wednesday - Slept late. Drank all but a quarter of an ounce
of the orange juice I opened the other day, and put the
(almost) empty container back in the fridge. The phone
rang, so I took an important message for myself, purposely
misspelling the name of the caller and only writing the last
four digits of the phone number. That evening I waited until
somebody ran the dishwasher, then put dishes from Monday
that I had been hiding in my room into the sink.
Thursday - Slept late. Purposely neglected to wheel the
trash bin out to the curb so that I could get some exercise
by dashing out there early Friday morning. Let the hot water
run for twenty or thirty minutes to heat up the bathroom for
my shower. Opened all the windows and turned on the air
conditioner before leaving for work.
Friday - Slept late. Took a 45 minute shower, then left
the wet towels in various rooms in the house. Waited until
the sink was clean, then put some dishes that I had been
saving for a few days on the counter. Later that night,
arranged to have some drunk friend call up at 1:30 in the
morning, crying about something incoherent.
Saturday - Slept late. Purposely dawdled all morning,
timing everything so that it started raining as soon as
I got the lawnmower out of the garage. Went back inside,
leaving the lawnmower out in the rain. Played the stereo
loud enough to drown out the noise of the telephone.
Opened a can of soda, took a few sips, then put the can
back in the fridge.
Sunday - Slept late. Spent most of the rest of the day
complaining of boredom.
Hope you're doing just fine up at school!
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]
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