Musicians Tips

1. Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
   A: A tattoo.
   
   
2. Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
   A: "The Defendant"
   
   
3. Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
   A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
   
   
4. Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
   A: It saves time in the long run.
   
   
5. Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
   A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
   
   
6. Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a drummer?
   A: About three decibels.
   
   
7. Q: What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
   A: Drive-by trombone solos.
   
   
8. Q: What's the definition of a minor second interval?
   A: Two Soprano Sax players reading off the same part.
   
   
9. Q: What is another term for trombone?
   A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.
   
   
10. Q: How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
    A: Take the batteries out of his electronic tuner.
    
    
11. Q: What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
    A: On or off.
    
    
12. Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
    A: A bad oboist can kill you.
    
    
13. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
    A: So they can park in the handicapped zones.
    
    
14. Q: Why do people play trombone?
    A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
    
    
15. Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
    A: A music critic.
    
    
16. Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
    A: Put it in a viola case.
    
    
17. Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
    A: That's the banjo player's Porsche.
    
    
18. Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
    A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
    
    
19. Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?
    A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
    
    
20. Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway?
    A: Seven- if you lay them out correctly.
    
    
21. Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
    A: You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.
    
    
22. Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
    A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
    

[ Author Unknown -- from Aiken Drum (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]