Musicians Tips

  1. Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
    A: A tattoo.

  2. Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
    A: "The Defendant"

  3. Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
    A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

  4. Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
    A: It saves time in the long run.

  5. Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
    A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

  6. Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a drummer?
    A: About three decibels.

  7. Q: What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
    A: Drive-by trombone solos.

  8. Q: What's the definition of a minor second interval?
    A: Two Soprano Sax players reading off the same part.

  9. Q: What is another term for trombone?
    A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

  10. Q: How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
    A: Take the batteries out of his electronic tuner.

  11. Q: What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
    A: On or off.

  12. Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
    A: A bad oboist can kill you.

  13. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
    A: So they can park in the handicapped zones.

  14. Q: Why do people play trombone?
    A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.

  15. Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
    A: A music critic.

  16. Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
    A: Put it in a viola case.

  17. Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
    A: That's the banjo player's Porsche.

  18. Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
    A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

  19. Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?
    A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

  20. Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway?
    A: Seven- if you lay them out correctly.

  21. Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
    A: You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.

  22. Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
    A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.

[ Author Unknown -- from Aiken Drum ( ]


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