New Drugs on the Market

1. St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
   
   
2. Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait 'til they moved out.
   
   
3. Peptobimbo - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
   
   
4. Dumerol - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause very low I.Q. and a desire to watch never ending TV Infomercials.
   
   
5. Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
   
   
6. Menicillin - Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... will you go home with me now?"
   
   
7. Buyagra - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
   
   
8. Extra Strength Buy-one-all - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
   
   
9. Jack Asspirin - Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
   
   
10. Anti-talksident - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
    
    
11. Sexcedrin - Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
    
    
12. Ragamet - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'ArcaMax Jokes' (ezines@arcamax.com) ]