One Day After Christmas

          It's one day after Christmas
          I'm crabby and I'm broke.
          I'm so full of ham and fruitcake
          I think I'm gonna croak.

          It's nice to see the relatives
          I wonder when they'll leave.
          They've been camping in my bathroom
          since early Christmas Eve.

          They're eating everything in sight
          and sleeping in my bed.
          I been sacked out in the basement
          with my beagle, Fred.

          The relatives have all gone out
          and left their screaming brats.
          The toilet bowl is all plugged up
          and I can't find the cat.

          It's Christmastime at my house,
          the relatives are here.
          They eat me out of house and home.
          and drink up all my beer.

          I love the decorations,
          and the sleigh bells in the snow
          But I wish those pesky relatives
          would take their kids and go.

          Those cookie crunchers fed the dog
          a twenty pound rib roast.
          His feet are sticking in the air
          like skinny old fence posts.

          Now they're in a free-for-all,
          the girls against the boys.
          They're fighting over boxes
          'cause they're bored with all their toys

          My mother-in-law is snoring
          in my favorite TV chair.
          Those kids are stringing lights on her
          and tinseling her hair

          I oughta wake her up
          before the fireworks begin.
          But I wanna see those blue sparks fly
          when they plug her in.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' ( ]

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