Out Of The Mouths Of Men

1. "I'M GOING FISHING"
   Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
   
   
2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
   Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
   
   
3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
   Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"
   
   
4. "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
   Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
   
   
5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
   Means: "I have no idea how it works."
   
   
6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. I JUST HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
   Means: "I was busy admiring that redhead over there."
   
   
7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
   Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
   
   
8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
   Means: "Are you still talking?"
   
   
9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
   Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
   
   
10. "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
    Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
    
    
11. "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
    Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."
    
    
12. "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
    Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."
    
    
13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
    Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
    
    
14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
    Means: "What did you catch me at?"
    
    
15. "I HEARD YOU."
    Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
    
    
16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
    Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
    
    
17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
    Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
    
    
18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
    Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]