Outhouse

I remember when I was a kid,
We were the poorest folk in town.
And we had a wooden outhouse,
You could smell for blocks around.

I remember in the summer,
How the aroma burned your eyes--
And how that old two holer
Would collect a million flies

And I remember in the winter
When it was nine below,
How I used to sit down easy
On that cold and icy hole.

And there was poor Aunt Millie
After she had sipped some cider.
Was bitten in the outhouse
By a darned black widow spider.

Well, she came running in the house
And it gave us such a scare.
And where that spider bit her at--
She wouldn't tell us where.

But ma took her in the bedroom
And called old Doctor Brown.
It seemed to me at least two weeks
Before she could sit down.

Then there was cousin Ollie,
Who came here from the city.
Oh the smartness that old Ollie had
Well it was such a pity.

He came running in the house--
And he began to blush.
He said I used the outhouse
But I can't get it to flush.

Well, I got the best of Ollie
And I'd do it every time.
I said we don't use water
All us rich folk all use lime.

Old Ollie took some lime home
After he had spent his hitch.
So the folks there in the city
Would think that he was rich.

Well lightning struck the outhouse
On a cold and stormy night.
And the folks there in the city
Thought that it was alright.

Well, it burned throughout the evening,
Until the break of day.
When the neighbors found the cranny gone--
They cheered for blocks away!

Well, the church built us an outhouse--
The kind that goes inside.
And when I sit upon that throne--
It fills my heart with pride.

I think of all those winters
The smell and all those flies.
And the bliss that I have sitting there--
Brings teardrops to my eyes.

Now Pa's got into money--
Throughout his later years--
So now we all use Charmin
Instead of books from Sears.

[ Rita -- from SunAmy, via 'Buffalo Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes@yahoogroups.com) ]