Parking Lot Rules
How many of these can you relate to?
Rule #1 - When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of
the road, don't signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent
others from passing.
Rule #2 - Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as
possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.
Rule #3 - In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the
opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up half way and
stop on the line, taking both.
Rule #4 - As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead
of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull
though and take it from him.
Rule #5 - Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the
other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his/her car.
Rule #6 - When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle
with your door really hard. If you leave a dent, wait for a car,
which is painted the same color as yours, to drive down the aisle
looking for a place to park. Then back out, giving up your spot like
"Mr. Good Guy" and park somewhere else.
Rule #7 - When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted
lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate of speed.
Rule #8 - When stopped in front of a store and waiting for a
friend/relative to make a purchase, make sure that you are stopped in
the middle of the road. The same rules applies to picking-up and
Rule #9 - When a vehicle from the opposite direction is signaling
and waiting for a parking space, position your car so that you are in
his way and let the car behind you take it.
Rule #10 - If you don't see a speed limit sign posted in the malls
parking lot, there isn't any!
Rule #11 - When walking back to your car, if you notice other
shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs, press the buttons on
your keychain remote so that your car's alarm makes a sudden loud
"BLOOP BLEEP" that scares the mess out of them.
Rule #12 - If the vehicle in front of you stops to let a pedestrian
cross or another vehicle turn, pull into the lane of opposite traffic
and attempt to pass him.
Rule #13 - deleted...for those who are superstitious
Rule #14 - When exiting a shopping center into a busy road, exit
through the narrow "ENTER ONLY" driveway, stick the nose of the car
into traffic, and wait.
Rule #15 - When driving through a parking lot with alternating
one-way aisles and angled parking spots, drive the wrong way. Then
when you see a parking space, take 20 minutes to do a 12-point turn
to pull into it.
Rule #16 - Always leave your shopping cart behind or tightly
between parked vehicles.
Rule #17 - Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping center
parking lots. While your at it, dump out all the garbage too
including that Wendy's or McDonald's bag sitting in the back seat
Rule #18 - If you are forced to change an infant's diaper in a
parking lot, leave the soiled diaper under the car next to you.
Rule #19 - When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull out of a
spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time. Adjust the mirrors,
your seat, and the radio. Roll down your window, light a cigarette,
and eat your lunch. Feel free to go through your shopping bags and
look at what you just bought.
Rule #20 - When pulling into a parking spot, if there is a shopping
cart in the way, lightly tap it with your bumper and send it rolling
into an adjacent car. Then, when you step out, if the cart is still
too close, push it down the parking lot aisle and let it go. While
the cart is flying solo, turn around and
walk toward the stores.
Rule #21 - When walking back to your car in a busy shopping center,
gesture to other drivers waiting for a spot to make them think that
you are getting in the car and leaving. Then walk between the cars
to the next aisle and do it again.
Rule #22 - When holiday shopping at the mall, which requires you to
load your bags into the car and go back in to do more shopping, do
NOT tell the driver who is sitting patiently watching you load your
car and signaling for your spot.
[ Author Unknown -- from Thomas S. Ellsworth 'GCF' (email@example.com) ]
All Rights Reserved.