Pastoral Good News/Bad News

GOOD NEWS: You baptized seven people today in the river.
BAD NEWS: You lost two of them in the swift current.

GOOD NEWS: The Women's Missionary Society voted to send you a get-well card.
BAD NEWS: The vote passed by 31-30.

GOOD NEWS: The Deacon's Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
BAD NEWS: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

GOOD NEWS: You finally found a choir director who does things exactly the same way you do.
BAD NEWS: The choir mutinied.

GOOD NEWS: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
BAD NEWS: They beat your men's softball team.

GOOD NEWS: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
BAD NEWS: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

GOOD NEWS: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
BAD NEWS: You were on vacation.

GOOD NEWS: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
BAD NEWS: They are stalling until the next war.

GOOD NEWS: Your biggest critic just left your church.
BAD NEWS: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.

GOOD NEWS: The youth in your church came to your house for a surprise visit.
BAD NEWS: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house.

[ Author Unknown -- from Berry Jontz, via Bill Rayborn ]