Picture of a man taking a pizza order over the phone.

Some Ways To Order Pizza Over The Phone

  1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Tell the person taking the order to stop doing that.

  2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

  3. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

  4. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

  5. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

  6. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

  7. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, PUCE.

  8. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

  9. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

  10. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

  11. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (If phoning Domino's, ask for a CheeserCheeser!)

  12. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

  13. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

  14. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

  15. Change your accent every three seconds.

  16. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

  17. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

  18. Start your order with "I'd like...". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

  19. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

  20. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

  21. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

  22. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

  23. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

  24. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

  25. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

  26. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

  27. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

  28. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

  29. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

  30. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included.

  31. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

  32. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

  33. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

  34. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and... action!"

  35. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

  36. Be vague in your order. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

  37. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

  38. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

  39. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

  40. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

  41. When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

  42. Order a one-inch pizza.

  43. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

  44. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
[ Author unknown - received from Chris Long at 'Laugh & Lift' (www.laughandlift.com) ]

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