Police Comments

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
  • 16 - 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

  • 15 - 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

  • 14 - 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

  • 13 - 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

  • 12 - 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

  • 11 - 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

  • 10 - 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

  • 9 - 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'

  • 8 - 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

  • 7 - 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

  • 6 - 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

  • 5 - 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

  • 4 - 'How big were those - 'two beers' you say you had?'

  • 3 - 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

  • 2 - 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'


  • 1 - 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]

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