Polite Insults

When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words):
  1. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

  2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

  3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

  4. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

  5. "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

  6. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

  7. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

  8. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

  9. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

  10. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

  11. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

  12. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

  13. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

  14. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

  15. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

  16. "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

  17. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

  18. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

  19. "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

  20. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

  21. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

  22. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

  23. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

  24. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

  25. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

  26. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

  27. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

  28. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

[ Author Unknown -- from Randy, via 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]


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