Real 911 Calls, believe it or not!

  • Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?
    Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house
    on the corner.
    Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
    Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

  • Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?
    Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and
    cheese sandwich.
    Dispatcher: Excuse me?
    Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
    table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite
    out of it.
    Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
    Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.

  • Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.
    Caller: Hi, is this the police?
    Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
    Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a
    turkey? I've never cooked one before.

  • Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire or emergency?
    Called: Fire, I guess.
    Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
    Caller: I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their
    Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
    Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on
    my tires and....well.... do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and
    help me?
    Dispatcher: Help you what?
    Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

  • Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is the nature of your emergency?
    Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
    Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
    Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
    Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
    Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

  • Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What's the nature of your emergency?
    Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
    Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
    Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.

    And the winner is . . . . . .

  • Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.
    Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
    Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
    Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
    Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......
    Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
    Caller: No
    Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
    Caller: Running from the police.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' ( ]


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