Rules Of Rural Ohio
Listen up City Slickers . . . .
A true BUCKEYE will send this on!!!
Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny
to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?
I-70 goes east and west, I-71 goes north and south. Pick one.
So you have a $60,000 car. We're unimpressed. We have $150,000
corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
So every person in rural Ohio waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are
coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.
Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want
sushi & caviar? It's available at Jim's bait shop.
The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
We open doors for women. That is applied to all women ,
regardless of age.
No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and
ketchup. Oh, yeah... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call
that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and
served over ice.
You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
College and High School Football is as important here as the
Cavs and the Knicks, and more fun to watch.
Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
it spooks the fish.
Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an
education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
everybody when they come for the holidays.
We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and
Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by
Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap
ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
your boxers. Refer back to #1.
4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got
some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach
from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to
live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades
will have you out the next day.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
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