Santa Claus is a Woman? (A Rebuttal)
There is absolutely NO way Santa is female. Here's why:
Yup, Santa's a guy alright!
- First, Christmas would be late every year. The line at the department
store would never move because Santa would feel the need to "bond" with
every kid that sat on her lap. The elves would never get any toys made
because they'd be too busy telling her, "No Santa, those red pants do not
make you look fat."
- What woman would be caught dead in a chimney? Gosh, she might break a nail
in there. Also, men don't care if they would get covered with ashes and
soot while sliding down the chimney.
- And what about Santa's beard? I'm sure you'll agree that most women look
significantly better without facial hair. Besides, a She-Santa would not go
out without makeup.
- If Santa was female, she sure wouldn't have white hair. And she would
never wear a hat because it would mess up her hair.
- The tradition is for cookies and milk to be left for Santa on Christmas
Eve. If Santa were a woman, the tradition would be chocolates and Latte's.
Also, a male Santa would judiciously take a bite from each cookie to prove
he was there. If Santa was a woman, the whole darn box of Snackwells would
be devoured and there'd be a sea of empty Ben & Jerry's containers all over
the kitchen floor.
- Santa doesn't need to ask directions. A female Santa would get her
directions from landmarks. Up in the sky there are no landmarks and no
place to ask directions. Besides, a She-Santa would never go out driving in
the snow and rain at night. She would make Mr. Claus do it, and then
complain about the way he drove.
- A She-Santa would never say "HO HO HO". She would analyze it too much and
think it was somehow demeaning.
- Would any self respecting female Santa really be seen wearing the SAME
outfit year after year? No, she would have to have a new outfit each year. And
red would not be the color. It would be more like pink or purple.
- A She-Santa would not clean up the mess that the rain-deer make. Like you are
going to force the rain-deer to wait until they get back to the North Pole? Men have
years of training and walking dogs; regardless of the weather.
M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S!
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Thomas S. Ellsworth' (email@example.com) -- Ed:Anon. ]
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