Shotgun Position

If there are to be two or more passengers when traveling by automobile, one must call out "shotgun" in order to secure for him/herself the right-front passenger seat. This seat is obviously the most desirable. It offers such advantages as:
  • more leg room

  • own personal vanity mirror

  • ease of egress and ingress

  • social prestige

  • panoramic view

  • air-bag safety feature

  • better aim for throwing beer bottles at stop signs

  • rapid exit in case of beer-retainment reversal
Historically, the shotgun position originated during the days of the horse-drawn wagon. Since the driver had to handle the reins, another person with a shotgun was needed next to him/her to fend off attacks from bandits, outlaws, and galloping Amway salesmen.

The Rules:
  1. Even if the other passenger is your grandmother with a broken leg, if she does not call "shotgun" first, her butt is going into the back seat.

  2. If two people call "shotgun" at the same time, a fistfight will determine the ultimate winner, unless the contestants are girls. In that case, the trip is put off while the men get to watch them fight. A "pout-off" can be held instead.

  3. If the trip is interrupted for over 4 minutes (for fuel or potty stops, etc.), the "shotgun" passenger loses all of his/her rights, and open season on the coveted position begins again.

  4. A "shotgun" winner must expect and be willing to put up with a large portion of physical harassment from the backseat "shotgun" loser. Scratching, hair pulling, and attempts at strangulation are all fully legal and come with the territory.

  5. Pre-"shotgun" calling is strictly prohibited and punishable by worse than what you get for pulling the tag off a mattress.

  6. A "shotgun" call from a 265-pound linebacker automatically cancels out a "shotgun" call from anybody else.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' ( ]

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