Singing Voices

Top Reasons for Being a Tenor:
  1. Tenors get high without drugs.

  2. Name a musical where the bass got the girl.

  3. You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung.

  4. Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1000 for a ticket to see The Three Basses?

  5. Who needs brains when you've got resonance?

  6. Tenors never have to waste time looking through the self- improvement section of the bookstore.

  7. When you get really good at falsetto, you can make tons of money doing voice-overs for cartoon characters.

  8. Gregorian chant was practically invented for tenors. Nobody invented a genre for basses.

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Top Reasons for Being a Bass:
  1. You don't have to tighten your shorts to reach your note.

  2. You don't have to worry about a woman stealing your job.

  3. Or a pre adolescent boy.

  4. Action heroes are always basses. That is, if they ever sang, they would sing bass.

  5. You get great memorable lyrics like bop, bop, bop, bop (boong ching ... boong chi-ching).

  6. If the singing job doesn't work out, there's always broadcasting.

  7. You never need to learn to read the treble clef.

  8. It doesn't matter much if you get a cold.

  9. For fun, you can sing at the bottom of your range and fool people into thinking there's an earthquake.

  10. If you burp while you're singing, the audience just thinks it's part of the score.

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Top Reasons for Being a Soprano:
  1. The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good.

  2. Can you name an opera where an alto got the man?

  3. When sopranos sing in the shower, they know the tune.

  4. You are never going to sing the alto part by accident.

  5. Great costumes: like the hat with the horns on it.

  6. How many world famous altos can you name?

  7. When the fat lady sings, she's usually singing soprano.

  8. When you get tired of the tune, you can sing the descant.

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Top Reasons for Being an Alto:
  1. You get really good at singing E flat.

  2. You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures. tang ... tang ... tang ...)

  3. No warm up needed to sing 12 consecutive bars of E flat.

  4. If the choir really stinks, it's unlikely the altos will be blamed.

  5. You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos.

  6. You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don't have to learn to read music.

  7. You can sometimes find part time work singing tenor.

  8. Altos get all the great intervals.

  9. When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words.

  10. When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt.

[ Author Unknown -- Stan Kegel, via 'Buffalos Chips' ( ]


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