So you want to go skiing? Here's a list of things you can do to
help prepare yourself . . . .
Paste a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head
before you go to bed.
If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the
Throw away a hundred dollar bill.
Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your
ski boots, carrying 2 pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles.
Sporadically drop things.
Place a small, but angular pebble in your shoes. Line them with
crushed ice and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
Buy a new pair of gloves. Immediately throw one away.
Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into
you at a high speed.
Go to McDonald's and *insist* on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be
sure you are in the longest line!
Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
Drive slowly for 5 hours--anywhere--as long as it's in a snowstorm
and you're following an 18 wheeler.
Fill a blender with ice, leave the lid off, hit the pulse button and
let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it
melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
off because you have to go to the bathroom.
Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
Repeat all of the above daily until it's time for the REAL thing!
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
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