Tech Support

Reportedly, all of the following exchanges really happened.

  1. Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

    Female customer: A gray one ....

  2. Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

    Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

    Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

    Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's

    still on my desk... sorry....

  3. Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left side of

    the screen.

    Customer: Your left or my left?

  4. Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

    Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

    Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

    Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not

    Bill Gates, dxxx it!

  5. Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every

    time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and

    placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't

    find it....

  6. Customer: I have problems printing in red...

    Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

    Customer: Aaaah.................... thank you.

  7. Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the


  8. Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

    Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

    Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

    Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

    Customer: OK

    Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

    Customer: Yes

    Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there

    another keyboard?

    Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.

  9. Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a

    capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.

    Customer: Is the 7 in capital letters?

  10. Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

    Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

    Customer: Five stars.

  11. Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

    Customer: Netscape.

    Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

    Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

  12. Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend put a screen saver

    on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

  13. Tech support: How may I help you?

    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

    Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I

    get the circle around it?

  14. A woman customer called the Canon help desk about a problem with

    her printer.

    Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

    Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.

    The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his

    printer is working fine."

  15. And last but not least:....

    Tech support: "Okay Bob, press the 'control' and 'escape' keys at

    the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the

    screen. Now press the 'P' key to bring up the Program Manager."

    Customer: I don't have a 'P' key.

    Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

    Customer: What do you mean?

    Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.

    Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT !!!     ( Click - dial tone )

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Bills-Punch-Line' ( ]


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