Tech Support

Reportedly, all of the following exchanges really happened.

1. Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
   
   Female customer: A gray one ....
   
   
   
2. Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
   
   Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
   
   Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
   
   Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
   
   Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's
   
   still on my desk... sorry....
   
   
   
3. Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left side of
   
   the screen.
   
   Customer: Your left or my left?
   
   
   
4. Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
   
   Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
   
   Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
   
   Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
   
   Bill Gates, dxxx it!
   
   
   
5. Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
   
   time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and
   
   placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't
   
   find it....
   
   
   
6. Customer: I have problems printing in red...
   
   Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
   
   Customer: Aaaah.................... thank you.
   
   
   
7. Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
   
   Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the
   
   supermarket.
   
   
   
8. Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
   
   Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
   
   Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
   
   Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
   
   Customer: OK
   
   Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
   
   Customer: Yes
   
   Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
   
   another keyboard?
   
   Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.
   
   
   
9. Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a
   
   capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
   
   Customer: Is the 7 in capital letters?
   
   
   
10. Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
    
    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    
    Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    
    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    
    Customer: Five stars.
    
    
    
11. Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
    
    Customer: Netscape.
    
    Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
    
    Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
    
    
    
12. Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend put a screen saver
    
    on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
    
    
    
13. Tech support: How may I help you?
    
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
    
    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    
    Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I
    
    get the circle around it?
    
    
    
14. A woman customer called the Canon help desk about a problem with
    
    her printer.
    
    Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
    
    Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
    
    The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
    
    printer is working fine."
    
    
    
15. And last but not least:....
    
    Tech support: "Okay Bob, press the 'control' and 'escape' keys at
    
    the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the
    
    screen. Now press the 'P' key to bring up the Program Manager."
    
    Customer: I don't have a 'P' key.
    
    Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
    
    Customer: What do you mean?
    
    Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.
    
    Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT !!!     ( Click - dial tone )
    

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Bills-Punch-Line' (tcmrlalk@airmail.net) ]