Lady on a exercise bike.

'Tis the Month After Christmas

ďNew Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.Ē  Mark Twain

ĎTis the month after Christmas, and even my blouse
Is straining to fit me, and I feel like a louse.
Those cookies I nibbled, that turkey I tasted
The pies that upon my thighs now look pasted.

The wine and the cheese, the cookies so merry
The rum cake I swallowed, yes, even the cherry.
All the festive food that passed through my lips
Seems to have made its way straight to my hips.

When I stepped on the scale, I was just shocked to find
The number appearing there was very unkind.
So I thought and I thought, seeking a solution
And then it hit me Ė I need a New Yearís resolution!

A vow is required, a promise long-lasting
To exercise this body that sure ainít been fasting.
I am chubby and plump, not at all my old self
But I know I can do it, if I just get some help.

So Iím off to the gym as soon as Iím able
Iím going to build all my muscles, make my stomach like a table.
My arms how theyíll pump up, my legs how theyíll tone,
My backside will tighten, no matter how much I moan.

Oh, I know it wonít be easy to whip this figure into shape
But itís better than covering my form with a cape.
And come summertime, when weíve reached swimsuit season
Iíll know that I did all the hard work for a reason.

Now some may express just a wee bit of doubt
That Iíll stick to my promise, that Iíll work myself out.
There are skeptics among us, those crabby old tokens
Who point out that resolutions are usually broken.

They try to be downers and make a strong case
That New Yearís intentions end up paving a warm place.
But I still believe, still expect muscles sore
After all, isnít that what January is for?

~ Jackie Papandrew ~
Copyright © 2011
All Rights Reserved

Jackie Papandrew is an award-winning writer, syndicated humor columnist, coffee addict and mom to a motley crew of children and pets who provide a steady stream of column ideas and dirt. She's also wife to a very patient man who had no idea, years ago when he still had time to escape, what he was getting himself into. Visit her website at:

[ by Jackie Papandrew Copyright © 2011, ( -- submitted by: Jackie Papandrew ]

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