The Third Graders

• Hi, I'm in third grade but it's not easy, it's a jungle gym out there.
  
  
• It's not school I mind, it's the principal of the thing.
  
  
• My teacher is tough. In class we have to answer "Yes Sir" and "No Sir," and my teacher is a woman.
  
  
• She's cross-eyed too, can't control her pupils.
  
  
• In English she told us we couldn't use 2 words, one was cool and the other was lousy. I said, "Cool, tell us the lousy one first."
  
  
• In science, she asked, "what would happen if one of the stars in Orion's belt went out?" I told her his pants would fall down.
  
  
• She asked, "Why do astronauts wear space suits?" I said, "To cover their space underwear."
  
  
• In geography she asked us to name 2 cities in Kentucky. I said "O.K., I'll name one Waldo and the other Heathcliff."
  
  
• And I don't like math at all, there's just too many problems.
  
  
• We eat in the cafeteria. For lunch yesterday we had Roast Beef, bread and butter. The roast beef was so tough it challenged me to a fight after school. The bread was so stale I took it to show and tell in history class. I'd tell you about the butter but I don't want to spread it around.
  
  
• After lunch we had a test. I used to hate taking tests. The teacher told us to treat them as a game. Now I hate games.
  
  
• I did get a 100 the other day, 50 in math and 50 in spelling.
  
  
• My teacher is so forgetful she gave us the same test 3 weeks in a row. If she does that one more time I might pass it.
  
  
• My teacher knows all the answers, of course, she makes up all the questions.
  
  
• But I do better than my best friend, Mike, he made the P.T.A.'s Most Wanted list.
  
  
• Mike's the biggest trouble maker in school, And his parent's never thought he'd amount to anything!
  
  
• Mike kept telling the teacher his dog ate his homework. We didn't believe him until his dog graduated from Yale.
  
  
• When I get home from school, it takes me about an hour to do my homework, 2 hours if my father helps.
  
  
• I was having trouble in English. My Dad bought me a cheap dictionary but I couldn't find the words to thank him.
  
  
• My dad bought me a thesaurus, too. I thought that was very nice, pleasurable, agreeable.
  
  
• I was doing geography homework and I asked him where I would find the Catskills. He said, "I don't know, your mother puts everything away!"
  
  
• When my father saw my report card, he said I was just like Abraham Lincoln, I went down in history.
  

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Colorado Comments' ]