The Third Graders

  • Hi, I'm in third grade but it's not easy, it's a jungle gym out there.

  • It's not school I mind, it's the principal of the thing.

  • My teacher is tough. In class we have to answer "Yes Sir" and "No Sir," and my teacher is a woman.

  • She's cross-eyed too, can't control her pupils.

  • In English she told us we couldn't use 2 words, one was cool and the other was lousy. I said, "Cool, tell us the lousy one first."

  • In science, she asked, "what would happen if one of the stars in Orion's belt went out?" I told her his pants would fall down.

  • She asked, "Why do astronauts wear space suits?" I said, "To cover their space underwear."

  • In geography she asked us to name 2 cities in Kentucky. I said "O.K., I'll name one Waldo and the other Heathcliff."

  • And I don't like math at all, there's just too many problems.

  • We eat in the cafeteria. For lunch yesterday we had Roast Beef, bread and butter. The roast beef was so tough it challenged me to a fight after school. The bread was so stale I took it to show and tell in history class. I'd tell you about the butter but I don't want to spread it around.

  • After lunch we had a test. I used to hate taking tests. The teacher told us to treat them as a game. Now I hate games.

  • I did get a 100 the other day, 50 in math and 50 in spelling.

  • My teacher is so forgetful she gave us the same test 3 weeks in a row. If she does that one more time I might pass it.

  • My teacher knows all the answers, of course, she makes up all the questions.

  • But I do better than my best friend, Mike, he made the P.T.A.'s Most Wanted list.

  • Mike's the biggest trouble maker in school, And his parent's never thought he'd amount to anything!

  • Mike kept telling the teacher his dog ate his homework. We didn't believe him until his dog graduated from Yale.

  • When I get home from school, it takes me about an hour to do my homework, 2 hours if my father helps.

  • I was having trouble in English. My Dad bought me a cheap dictionary but I couldn't find the words to thank him.

  • My dad bought me a thesaurus, too. I thought that was very nice, pleasurable, agreeable.

  • I was doing geography homework and I asked him where I would find the Catskills. He said, "I don't know, your mother puts everything away!"

  • When my father saw my report card, he said I was just like Abraham Lincoln, I went down in history.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Colorado Comments' ]


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